you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
