Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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