1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
