I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
