Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
