i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
