Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
