so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
