so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
