I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
