i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I could fuck to npr.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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