Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
