i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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