I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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