Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
