She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
