your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
