I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
sex in a hospital.. check
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
