i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
