i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
