and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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