We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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