nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I could fuck to npr.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
