90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
