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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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