She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize