Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
