Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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