Are we in a gay sports bar?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
