Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
