I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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