Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
