Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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