Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
