you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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