Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize