i need an iv and a liver transplant
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
