And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
