A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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