why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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