I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
