Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
