stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
