yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
