talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize