So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
