We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
