i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mom said you looked used
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize