I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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