used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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