I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
