I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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