Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
