i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
