you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize