I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
