the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
