How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize