whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
