quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
