Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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