The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
