I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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