Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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