I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
