"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
